Yesterday I picked up my best friend Ronna and we went to the cemetery in Westwood where my grandparents are buried because writing this book made me want to go see my grandparents for some weird reason. It’s tiny—the size of a city block. I’ve written many times about going there as a kid and looking at Marilyn Monroe’s grave, which is actually a plaque on a wall, and is much less interesting than some of the other graves there, unless you consider the kiss marks. People actually kissed the wall and the Marilyn Monroe plaque, with red lipstick on. Kinda weird.

I was looking for my grandparents when I saw this grave over by Jim Backus. I have no idea who the people are, or if they’re even dead. There’s no death date, which is kind of a requirement for burial. Maybe the people who do the engraving got behind. Or maybe no one knew that P.S. and B.C.S. had a burial plot and they ended up getting cremated and their ashes got spread at sea. Or maybe they’re still very much alive and if so, I hope they’re still together. They would both be almost 80 years old today. It would suck if they were divorced and not living in enlightenment of one another. Which makes me wonder what would happen if a burial plot became available. It seems pretty full. So I Googled it.

Pierce Brothers Memorial Park in Los Angeles, California is the ultimate “Hot Spot.” We are offering a beautiful Double-Section Plot located in the lawned center Section of the Cemetery. This Crypt is near to where some of the most famous Hollywood stars have been laid to rest. This is considered prime real estate and a sound investment for the future. No sites remain available in this small prestigious Cemetery. Serious inquiries only. No low-ballers please!

Three things:

“…the ultimate ‘hot spot.'” Or, cemetery. Not Studio 54. Ce-me-ter-y.

“This Crypt is near to where some of the most famous Hollywood stars have been laid to rest.” This is their main selling point. Again, it’s a ce-me-ter-y. 

“No low-ballers please!” I just read a single plot can go for $45,000. I wonder why would anyone try to low-ball you.