For ROSE, Who’ll Always Get By (With a Little Help From Her Friends.)

What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song
And I’ll try not to sing out of key
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends.
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends.
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends.
When I walked into Black Dog one day over five years ago Rose, having seen the email address I used to use bum rushed me in the lobby to have a laugh with me; I had used a quote from “The Shining:” wendygivemethebat@yahoo.com. No one else had gotten the reference before, and no one else ever did.
Rose’s departure from Black Dog is a sizable event, right up there with the MASH finale; no one ever likes saying goodbye. Rarely will you meet a more authentic, honest and positive-thinker than Rose. As I’m writing this in bed in the middle of the night next to my sleeping husband, I’m thinking about the influence she’s had on my life—and to be sure, so many of your lives—and I’m getting sadder about the fact that she’s leaving. She’s been the glue that keeps us and everything together.
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ~Henri J.M. Nouwen
I’ve been to Rose’s home, a happy home where the tiles on the bathroom floor heat up and there’s a fantastic, very artsy tub in the center of a glass room. It’s actually the perfect setting for a horror movie. Over the years we’ve lunched, celebrated, cried and chaturanga’d together. Life stuff happened, and we talked about all of it: marriage, death, dogs, illness, parents and yoga.
I’m convinced the Black Dog lobby is some kind of vortex, a powerful force of nature where the truth reveals itself—the good kind, and the not-so-good. I’ve done tons of teary interviews with you guys on that couch; you’re nodding your head in agreement.
Months ago, we had a stuffed animal for sale with a Black Dog t-shirt on it. Apparently, only the t-shirt was for sale. Ends up, the stuffed animal was something very sentimental for Rose. And I freakin’ sold it. Oops. I ordered another stuffed animal to be delivered to her, and when it came it was about 12 sizes bigger than the original one I was trying to replace. Again, oops. [And hey, if I sold that dog to you, maybe you can bring it back? It would make her day!]
What’s so remarkable about Rose is the belief she’s had in me, even when I fucked up somehow, made some pretty stupid mistakes (like selling the stuffed dog) and found it difficult to believe in myself. She’s all heart, with motorcycle boots on and Jimi Hendrix playing. She’s kind of a badass robo-babe. And she’s probably in her kitchen cooking right now, whipping up something extraordinary and yummy.
“A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.” ~L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
We all could use a little help from our friends…
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“One couldn’t die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she’s the one I’ve watered. Since she’s the one I put under glass, since she’s the one I sheltered behind the screen. Since she’s the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except the two or three butterflies). Since she’s the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she’s my rose.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
‘Cuz you gotta have friends…
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