I Don’t Get It

I don’t get Instagram. Hashtags taunt me. I am so not cool enough for Instagram. Instagram is a gang of Pink Ladies and I’m Sandra Dee.

I don’t get The Fountainhead. I’ve tried. I can’t get through it.

I don’t get the jeweled mouth grill thing. WTF, Katy Perry?

I don’t get terrorism. It seems pointless.

I don’t get putting seasoning salt on popcorn. Yuck.

I don’t get how they make crop circles. I also don’t get how people actually think aliens make crop circles.

I don’t get why some women think Woody Allen is hot. Hey bitches, have you never seen David Beckham? COME ON.

I don’t get daylight savings. Again, it seems pointless.

I didn’t get the Lady Gaga thing until kind of recently. Bitch can sing.

I don’t get flavored coffee creamers. Coffee should not taste like a buttered pecan cookie. Just eat a buttered pecan cookie.

I don’t get dick piercings. Is it really worth the pain?

I don’t get why the water in the little milk carton tastes so much better than other water. It’s delicious.

I don’t get how to play bar chords on my guitar. I suck.

I don’t get dressing your animal like a human. Or holding a monkey like a baby. It’s all just weird.

I don’t get Game of Thrones.

I didn’t get how awesome Australians were until I married one.

I don’t get “The Flat Earth Society.” IT’S ROUND, YA DUMBASS HILLBILLIES.

I don’t get how the “boo” thing started. Like, “hey, boo, what’s up?”

I don’t get yoga sometimes. It’s very mysterious.

I don’t get why anyone would cut their tongue to look like a lizard.

I honestly don’t get twerking. Have some self respect.

I don’t get Siri. It’s annoying.

I don’t get crack.

You probably don’t get why I used a photo of Divine with this post. It’s because it’s late and it’s the most interesting thing I could find. Also, I don’t get how someone could willingly eat dog shit.

Written by Anne Clendening
Anne Clendening was born and raised in L.A. She's a yoga teacher, a writer and occasionally slings cocktails in a Hollywood bar. She could eat chocolate cake for every meal of the day. She has a huge fear of heights and flying. And fire. She wishes she could speak French, play her guitar better and make cannoli. She's probably listening to The Dark Side Of The Moon right now, kickin’ it with her boxer dog and her hot Australian husband ★