This Library Cake is Awesome, but the Rest of These Cakes Are Yucky.

Yup, that’s what I said. Library cake. It’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s a cake in the shape of a library with stacks of books, a table with little lamps, even a globe. I like the ladder. I wonder if it’s made of pretzels.


And there’s more, but it’s gross. It’s called a sushi cake. The rice looks like Tic Tacs.


What’s curious about this lamb cake is what I assume is the spine. And the parsley hanging out of its mouth. Like it was sweetly minding its own business in the forrest, munching away and bang!


This one has no name, but it looks like a kraken cake. Do krakens have human-like arms? And what is it engulfing? I do like the effort to make the ocean look tumultuous.


This one looks like a mummy cake—probably because of the snakes, and mummies and snakes are Egyptian things—but mummies don’t live in coffins (duh). Also, what the hell is coming out of its mouth? And the shiny grey icing—it looks like fish skin. If there is such a thing. Also… every surface looks the same. Like cement. Cement floors, cement burial slab.

I think the most disturbing thing about this cockroach cake, other than the fact that it’s a cockroach, is the shininess. And the fuzz on its legs, that I guess are its tiny feet.


I have no idea why these shoes look so vicious. I mean, the cake is lovely, all pink with black detail and cherries hovering along the side.


I assume this supposed to be fly-infested poop that someone tried to tidy up. Nice corn.


People are obsessed with poop. I can’t help but notice the different sizes, the detail as far as segmented areas and the effort to space in all out in a realistic my-dog-just-pooped-on-this-cake way.


The kitty litter cake might be worse.


I’m sorry, but apparently Nicolas didn’t quite make it to his 6th birthday.


I wonder if he made it as far in life as this kid. What the fuck is wrong with people?


We have a winner. The unborn baby cake. W.T.F. It’s gray. It has an umbilical cord, which I guess the scissors just cut. I have to say though, the detail on the face is remarkable.



Written by Anne Clendening
Anne Clendening was born and raised in L.A. She's a yoga teacher, a writer and occasionally slings cocktails in a Hollywood bar. She could eat chocolate cake for every meal of the day. She has a huge fear of heights and flying. And fire. She wishes she could speak French, play her guitar better and make cannoli. She's probably listening to The Dark Side Of The Moon right now, kickin’ it with her boxer dog and her hot Australian husband ★