This pretty sums up my morning in Vegas. I’m a slots person. I love them. I love the sounds and the lights and all of it. Not that there’s any skill to it, you just keep pressing a button like a monkey who’s being slowly and systematically given cocaine and will just sit there forever. I sat at Wheel of Fortune and won breakfast money. We ate at the best darn buffet I’ve ever been to.

We left Caesar’s and ended up at the gun range, which is easily the last place you’d ever find me, especially when there’s slot machines to be played. Mauro rented a fully automatic AK47 for $45, which lasted about 30 seconds. I’m here to tell you, it’s awfully loud in there. I much prefer the chimes of winning.

We stopped by the Hard Rock on our way out of town and I lost everything on Wheel of Fortune. We drove home in the rain.