I wanna be rich. You wanna be rich. We all wanna be rich. One thing at a time. I’m here to tell you how to make me rich.

Subscribe to this blog. Check it every day. I’m thinking about doing a giveaway, which may or may not have something to do with money… but if I give you money, that has nothing to do with me becoming rich, so I’ll work this thing out while you keep checking back. Either way, you lose nothing.

Send a “gift subscription” to your friends. They’ll be all, “why am I getting email from ‘dirty blonde ink?’ What the hell is this?” And you’ll be all, “hee hee.” Again, you lose nothing, and I get subscribers. It’s the same thing as using that Instagram app where you basically buy followers. How do you think I have over 800 people following me when I barely ever post anything? I bought those people. Yup.

Repost my shit. I’m asking nicely. There’s only so many times I can put stuff on Facebook and beg people to read it. You do it for me.

You could make appreciative and perhaps overly mushy comments here about how this blog actually saved your life when you were depressed and you wanted to throw yourself over a bridge. Just make it up. Make it good. Other people will make supportive comments back to you. We’ll fake our way through. And people will finally start listening to me!

At least copy and paste this: ♥♥♥. And I’ll be rich in love.

You could do all this because you like my dark sense of humor and my snazzy anecdotes. Or maybe you knew me in 8th grade and you feel somehow compelled. Great! Think of it as a social experiment. And in the end, I’ll give you mad love for helping me. It’ll be good as cash.