Last night I had a dream where Mauro and I were talking about Tupac Shakur. In the dream, Mauro liked Tupac. And he said Tupac was “so not scurvy,” which apparently meant Tupac was cool.

And my new buzzword was born. If something is scurvy, it’s uncool. It’s totally lame. Bogus. Bunk. It straight-up sucks.

I couldn’t wait to tell my best friend Jalee. I knew she’d get right on board. And she did. We established exactly what we needed to do, and she made her move. She posted this on her Facebook:

Broken new umbrella today. ‪#‎scurvy‬

I followed up with this:

Head cold. Son of a bitch! So ‪#‎scurvy‬ (as in lame. It’s my new buzzword. Please understand I don’t have scurvy.) So scurvy=so uncool. Mauro said it in my dream I had last night. Brilliant.

To which she replied:

The point is to not explain it, just use it, and see if it catches on. Geez… Blond… #scurvy

Dang it. I had already forgotten the rules. But she spelled the word “blonde” wrong.

Only nine people liked my post anyway. In an effort to try harder to launch this thing, I Googled images for the word scurvy. Big mistake. FYI, it’s completely traumatizing, more so than when I Googled “half man, half animal.” You’d be amazed what happens as the result of a vitamin C deficiency. Don’t. Look.

Then I came across an ad on my Facebook to download the “Ultimate Social Media Swipe File” which, in case you were wondering, is crucial to the “social selling” process and to get more clicks on social media. It includes a section on how to create “threat headlines,” the idea being people are sometimes more motivated to take action to avoid pain than to gain benefit.

I find this fascinating. It seems I have to freak people out to get their attention. Now I’m Chicken Little. And I’m thinking this post should have been titled something like this:

Don’t Believe What You Hear! Everything You Need to Know About #Scurvy

Or…

10 Easy Ways to Not be #Scurvy

Or even…

How I told #Scurvy to go Fuck Itself & Claimed my Life Back

OK, I’m still working it out. But watch. It’s gonna happen.