My Completely Un-Informed Oscar Predictions (Also Called “Guesses”)

I love the Oscars. Love. It’s my dream to sneak into the Oscars one day, which I guess means I’ve given up on my original dream of actually being invited to the Oscars. Invited by the Oscar people—not just a person. That’s OK. The new dream sounds funner anyway.

Five years ago I was living a block away from The Kodak where the Oscars are held. I should’ve just walked down there and given the sneaking-in thing a go, because I wanted to sneak in then, too. I think I got lazy and decided to just watch it on my couch like a normal person. And watch the limousines drive by my window.

I have seen exactly two best picture nominees this year: The Big Short and Spotlight. I’m not at all in a position know what’s good. I could be totally off. Or I could just be a genius.

Best Picture: The Revenant. I have no idea what that word means or what it’s about. All I know is from what I’ve seen Leonardo DeCaprio looks like a badass mother fucker.

Best Actor: See above. I’m pretty sure Leo’s got it. But I love you, Bryan Cranston.

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett for Carol. Because I love her and I hear she’s a very convincing gay chick. Good for her.

Best Supporting Actor: Sylvester Stallone for Creed. I mean, COME ON!! Just give it to him!

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Jason Leigh for The Hateful Eight. No reason, other than I just love her.

I wish myself luck.

Written by Anne Clendening
Anne Clendening was born and raised in L.A. She's a yoga teacher, a writer and occasionally slings cocktails in a Hollywood bar. She could eat chocolate cake for every meal of the day. She has a huge fear of heights and flying. And fire. She wishes she could speak French, play her guitar better and make cannoli. She's probably listening to The Dark Side Of The Moon right now, kickin’ it with her boxer dog and her hot Australian husband ★