Another pitch that I have yet to work out for cracked.com. It started off a “10 Characters Who Were Wracked With Mommy Issues (And Won).” Hmmm… I’m still thinking…

Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights

Who sits in the dark, enveloped in cold, blue light and cigarette-fueled desperation, waiting for their teenage son to come home from his dishwashing job only to (accurately) accuse him of sleeping with whores and whacking off in his bedroom? Eddie Adams’ weirdly aggressive alcoholic mother, that’s who. Eddie in his jean jacket and his rimmer tee. Damn, Oedipal tension, much? I know he’s dick-tastic, but come on!

By the way, because of this scene, this is exactly how I imagine all porn stars got their start, running away from an abusive home situation screaming the line, “you don’t know what I can do! What I’m gonna be!” Maybe even with a yellow Pinto in the driveway.