test grid
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I LOVE YOU, LAURIE STRODE
I don’t remember the first time I saw Halloween, and it doesn’t matter. Watching it as a kid wouldn’t be ...
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THE NEW JAN BRADY
Sometimes when I start a new project I get the "I'm the new Jan Brady" thing stuck in my head ...
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BENT: THE BOOK TRAILER
So this only took a month to figure out. But I'm feeling pretty awesome about it. Now I want to ...
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THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING AWESOME
It's not often I get to say this, mostly because I spent the last two years working on Bent and ...
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EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HAVING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER
First, be born a human. Obviously, you’ve already done that—so good job. Now, make mistakes. Tons of them. Know this ...
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AND THAT’S THE DAY
So here's what happens the day your new book comes out: Not much. It's weird. It's one of the biggest ...
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THE STORY OF BENT
I saw a YouTube video once where a guy dressed head-to-toe like a red devil with a long tail and ...
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A LETTER TO JAVIER BARDEM
Dear Javier, I once read an article about you where you said your favorite actor was Al Pacino. I assume ...
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A LETTER TO RUSSELL BRAND
Dear Russell, You may or may not remember this, but we met a few months ago when you were here ...
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NEW YEAR’S EVE AT VARIOUS TIMES
7:00pm Me: How ya feelin' baby? Mauro: I feel like shit. Drink some juice. No, it sounds gross. Then drink ...
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A LETTER TO DAVID THORNE
What's Up David, So my husband just asked me what I was doing and I told him I was writing ...
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THE KID IS GETTING OLD
It started with Patty Hearst. Actually, it started when I was watching a documentary on Rolling Stone Magazine where they ...
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I MADE OUT WITH SCOTT BAIO TODAY
So this morning I spent at least two hours lying in bed watching an unbelievably insane Twitter war explode between ...
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PANIC ATTACK
Panic attacks are pretty special. Overwhelming surges of terror appearing out of nowhere, drowning you in fear, choking the breath ...
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TITLES
I thought of a lot of titles for the book before deciding on Bent: How Yoga Saved My Ass. This was ...
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MORE STUFF THAT PROBABLY WON’T MAKE IT INTO BENT
Yes, there is a part one to this post. I've written a lot of stuff. Not all of it publishable ...
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DINOSAURS
I must have had some really weird dreams last night because when I woke up this morning, this is the ...
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MOSQUITOES
Since the weather's been getting warmer I've seen some very weird bugs flying around inside our house. And they're everywhere. It's ...
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THE STRANGER
Saturday, 2:30 pm. There's a dude sitting outside my house in a white Mercedes. He doesn't appear to be homeless, broken ...
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ADULTS RUIN EVERYTHING
(...Or make it all better, depending how you look at it.) For Christmas my aunt Judi, knowing how stressed out ...
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I AM NOT A PSYCHOPATH
I just found a one question test that reveals whether or not you have the mind of a psychopath. It's ...
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KINDLE RULES
I used to make endless fun of my friend Jalee for owning a Kindle. Kindles were for the lazy. Seriously, ...
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DEAR MR VICE-PRESIDENT ELECT PENCE
The following is the original version of the post that is now on elephant journal ← Dear Mr. Vice President-Elect Pence, ...
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THIS ISN’T MEANT TO BE SAD, BUT IT IS ABOUT DEATH
So my editor has been encouraging me to amp things up a little with third-party quotes, which do come in ...
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SO SHINES A GOOD DEED IN A WEARY WORLD…
There is an unusually large, very out-of-place house around the corner from us that Mauro and I refer to as ...
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THANK YOU CONOR MAH-FUCKING-GREGOR
"Terrifying." This is my usual answer when anyone asks me how the writing is going. "It's terrifying." Writing a book ...
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THIS POST WENT NOWHERE NEAR WHERE INTENDED
A little over a year ago a very nice woman named Debra found my blog and asked if I wanted ...
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FLAGS
Because of the Olympics I just took a quiz called "How Many Of These Flags Of The World Can You ...
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QUESTIONS
I get emails from something called Quora Digest. I have no idea why. I don't remember signing up for anything, ...
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YEARS FROM NOW, WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT WRITING THIS BOOK, I WILL THINK OF DONALD TRUMP
The week my editor first contacted me about writing a book was the same week Donald Trump announced he was ...
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STUFF THAT PROBABLY WON’T MAKE IT INTO BENT
This is a running list of babble I've written that sounded super clever at the time, but I've since figured ...
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I GUESS IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY MONDAY
I have become a recluse. Mauro has to do everything. He does the laundry, makes dinners, feeds the dog, walks ...
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ONE TO 10
Once I had about 10 cents to my name. At least twice every hour, I think about Shamus McDog, who ...
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IF YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS, MY HAT IS OFF TO YOU
I bet you've been there. I've been there. Many times. And I still didn't guess. I'd give you a hint, ...
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WHAT’S UP WITH THE SICKEST BRAIN RIDDLE EVER
Excuse me, but WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS. Why do the people have to ...
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SERIOUSLY, OJ MIGHT BE INNOCENT
I never thought I'd say this, but I think OJ may not be the killer. I spent like an hour ...
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FABLES
I was writing something just now about names you might find in a fable, like Jane or Henry, then I ...
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PRETTY IN PINK, THE MOVIE
My friend Solana and I watched Pretty in Pink. And we broke it down for ourselves. In pink. Andie dresses ...
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THIS IS KIND OF UNBELIEVABLE
Why am I so disturbed by this? The weirdest part has to be the gold ballet slipper caressing the face ...
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Bad Poetry #4
Considering I'm married to an Australian, this has to be the best bad poem ever. And I've been Googling "bad ...
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Bad Poetry #3
Um, OK, not sure at all what's going on with this guy. And for some reason I almost put a ...
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Bad Poetry #2
I have no idea who wrote it. Or what the hell it means. I got it here. I like half ...
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Bad Poetry #1
From Harold Pinter, British playwright, screenwriter, director and actor who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2005: American Football (A ...
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Words
I keep a list of words and stuff that I want to fit into Bent somewhere. They're especially awesome when I ...
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Fire
I'm still writing about catching on fire. It's been three days. So I looked up some beautiful quotes about fire ...
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Things That Might Happen to You Any Second That’ll Scare the Bejesus Out of You
Another thing I started for cracked.com, along with 8 Reasons Your Childhood Was a Clusterf*ck of Dishonesty and Dude, I Wanna Hug Your ...
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Bluebird
I was just looking for inspiration for a piece on Happiness I'm writing. I found this from Charles Bukowski. Damn ...
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This is a Real-Time Post
I'm updating my computer to something called "The Captain" or something like that because I desperately need Word to write ...
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Doves. Crying.
"Let's watch Purple Rain." That was Friday night. We were talking about Prince. But it was like midnight and Mauro ...
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I Don’t Get It
I don't get Instagram. Hashtags taunt me. I am so not cool enough for Instagram. Instagram is a gang of ...
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Sherlock Holmes Riddle
I say it's... Actually, I won't say. I haven't look at the answer yet in an effort to draw out ...
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Stupid Stuff #8
OK. Why does she appear to be paddling the guy with a meat cleaver? Why are they wearing masks? What ...
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Stupid Stuff #7
A man is taped to the ceiling. He looks like he has a very large chest. He doesn't look concerned ...
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Stupid Stuff #6
WHY. Why are there latex faces. And why is she wearing one. And why is it such a sad one ...
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Stupid Stuff #5
OK. Holding your junk is not going to protect you here. And what is that half shirt? And what is ...
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Author Questionnaire
"Compose a list of ten questions with answers about your book that you can discuss in an interview." This is part ...